April 2020

Disappointment and Coping

Our sister Christine shares her complicated thoughts and feelings about the current state of the world.

The pressure of having to put my thoughts into words has been overwhelming. What is happening around us will go down in the history books. And I feel so helpless. I think all students can agree that MSOE having online classes was a shock. I think when MSOE announced it was closing is when the severity of COVID finally hit me. The end of my senior year came to an abrupt stop. I’m left with a void for the things I will never experience.
- Senior weekend and all the shenanigans
- Counting down the days until graduation with my friends
- Mutually slacking up and messing around in a senior class
- Have a sense of community as seniors celebrate the end
- Feel pride as finally I walk across the stage

I am graduating and happiness is not on my list of emotions. I feel powerless above all else. Our class is being thrown into the work force during a global economic depression while a pandemic devastates our world. Just as our student loan payments begin, companies stop hiring. We were told an engineering degree will get us far in life. But will it be enough to pay the bills, will we be able to find a job? Plenty of seniors do not have a job. Companies have cancelled interviews and halted all hiring. How will we survive?
This is a time I am supposed to be commemorating. I am supposed to feel joy, pride and triumph. I should be feeling a sense of closure as this chapter in my life ends. I don’t how I will ever feel that closure. There are friends that I will never say good-bye to. After school ends they are moving across the country.

I know MSOE rescheduled graduation, but I know plenty of seniors who do not see the point to celebrate months after we get our diploma. I will not be able to attend because my brother’s wedding is the same day as graduation. I will never wear a cap and gown holding my red diploma holder in front of the MSOE banners. I won’t get final pictures with my friends who have helped me through 4 years of intense, rigorous schooling.

My senior year is ending, and I feel empty.